You Say What You Believe

I'm in a road block today. For the past days, my mind is constantly with this nagging thought of whether I'm in the fight alone. School let me down today. I let myself down today. I am an over thinker. Whenever I am presented with different sets of uncomfortable scenarios, I think all of the possible reasons why that incident happen. Or when a person says something about me, I overthink. Too much that it affects my well-being for the days, or weeks. Depending on the gravity of the words expressed.

I am in a dilemma. I always am. But this time, this is something that I cannot just ignore because 1) the incident is painful as it is, and 2) incidents would be the correct word. Words are painful. But it becomes more painful when said in a jest. At least for me.

Why? It is because for me, it truly represents what you really feel, intrusive thoughts? Probably. School is becoming more and more difficult. I don't have much friends to talk this out except for my classmates. It has been triggering my sanity. I need a breather in the form of sleep, sleep, and sleep.

I don't like to think it over. But this is just so over the top that I needed a room to breathe. Or a mountain to distribute the scent of disappointment. What do I want? I want school to be upfront. But it will never be. When you think you have understood the principles, you will be presented with an exception to the exception. And when you are too honest, you get in to trouble as you don't really treat that principles are absolute. Then you sulk in silence. What am I even talking? Just sleepy.

My eyes are drooping. I need to sleep. Good night.

"Woke up and realized I was thumbling (mumbling with my thumb). WHAT IS THIS? Seems like I was too engrossed with my emotions."