Cool as a Cucumber

I want to disappear. The feeling is overwhelming with work, with school, with life in general. It's terrifying knowing I have not achieved as much. Or that...just the thought of...not knowing what defines me. What really defines me? Is it work? Family? Is it the personal growth I get from school? Who am I? Why do I live like I live? As my friend Friedrich would put it, "He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how." Knowing why you need to live, is not the same as having the why and so, what does it mean to live in this world?

I am stuck between finishing this course, focusing on family, or just hustling at work and see where everything goes.

Our first exam is up and I am doubting myself. Again. I feel like I have not learned anything. And that no matter what I do, I would not measure up. Some would say, you need to be as cool as a cucumber. I'm just stuck not knowing what I want, that's all.

Anyway, I'll head back to reading. So much to think about.