Ready for The Next Semester

Hello. Soo… I am back and I feel like I have found my footing in school. I am letting things go: my anxieties, my fears of being in an unknown environment, and overall, just excited for what’s to come. 

 

We are almost done with our first semester and as of the moment, I am one exam from completing our midterms. My to do list for this semester is: 4 final examinations, 18 digests (plus another 182 fingers' crossed for it be scrapped), 1 recitation for a major subject and hopefully, I’m done. Cannot wait for this to be over so that I can move on to the next period of my school life. Hopefully, I can give it justice.

 

Sometime last month, there was this one conversation I had with Jai and I said to her that I am still having difficulties in catching up with the school and work deliverables and she said to me that I have grown accustomed, that I have adapted quite well, and that I have acclimated with the stress, the deadlines, and the overall experience of going to school again. I would like to believe that I have but there are moments when I feel like quitting and this is an emotion I share with Hanna and the rest of the people I study with on a daily basis. 

 

Also, it is giving me such difficulty when my friends at work, and this is just something that I feel, are giving me a hard time for eating out with my friends, for having much time with them and for just talking to them more. It’s not like I don’t want to be with my work friends anymore but I share every burden with my school friends now and that when you are outside of that group, you do not see that difficulty because you are seeing it from your perspective alone. It’s like I am living my 2015-2016 era where you are in an exclusive group of people who share your experiences, your difficulties, your aspirations and the people that you used to go out with cannot fathom such exclusivity because they are not the recipient of the stress, the excitement, the hopes and dreams that you have. 

 

When that happened in 2015, you know what I did? I stop sharing because they wouldn’t understand. It gave me peace and I was able to focus on my goals. It’s up to those people to interpret things the way they want. I heard a lot of rumours along the way and it didn’t actually help in retaining the friendship so…I guess this is just how things are. Also, my family now is the most precious thing I have so that’s what I am going focus on.

 

Anyway, story time. Last night was our Ethics midterms examination and 20 minutes before the time, Dory, Hannah, and I went to this carenderia where we ate grilled food. Sadly though, mostly of their food offerings are not the things that I usually ate so I settled myself with 2 pieces of hotdogs and 2 clumps of rice. It gave me an anxiety because it’s been years since I ate in a carenderia (just like me having a panic attack when I went to the mall 2 years after CoVid). Kim and Arjay too were also at the store. Surprisingly, my bill was just P20.00. Imagine that! When combined with Hanna and Dory’s, our bill was at P130.00. I was so happy that I ended up paying for their meals. I was just so elated! Forgive me but the downtown Tagum would give you P70-100 pesos worth of meal. That price tops the cake. This is just me sharing how happy I was that night. 😄

 

Thank you Hanna, Dory, Kim and Arjay for a night well spent. I will not forget this, especially since I experienced this with you guys in one of the saddest nights of my life. ☺️

Dory, Hanna, Kimmy, Arjay and I

One day prior to our examination, we had a show of lights at our work and these were the princesses that caught my attention. 

Ma'am Wing as Snow White

Ma'am Bebing as Alice in Wonderland

On the day of the examination, I was supposed to go on leave but I needed to be with the people at our office so we made these cool herbal oils for the joints of people like me who are reaching the age of 30 and up because, yes, old age.

Ms. Cjay cooking the herbal leaves

 

I use to had this friend who would limit me and would tell me to not do this, not do that because people might misconstrue you. I went against that person’s wishes and it liberated me. I am an introvert by nature but when I warmed up with people, I am as loud as a megaphone. It is not my intention to hurt but I need to live my life free from those chains because that is not me. I remember that instance because, one time, I invited my friends to go to one of our events. I felt guilty at the exact moment but somehow, I felt free for longest time. Note to self: People, you do not restrict other people just to please you or make you feel good. Having friends like that is like being in a prison. If I tell you I am a friend, I can be your ally but you do not, ever, diminish my ability to react and go against my natural self. It is suffocating. It is not friendship. It is not caring; it is not affection at all. I know we have different baggage in our back but you have to let go of that and just be a supportive person to your friends. Maturity will get you through and I hope that day will come for me, for you, for everyone in my circle, basically.

 

I am learning things…I am just living life one day at a time. I will be part of the Bar. Soon. In due time. Anyway, so much to unpack in just a short blog post but hope you get to see my struggles as a way to recover what’s happening in yours. See you in the next. 😄