Numquam Cedam

Today, we got our grades for CrimPro. I was expecting to pass but…I didn’t. Atty. Yap was very…reasonable would be the word to describe him. I was feeling ecstatic as I made my way to STM this morning. I was feeling quite energetic thinking that I would pass. I saw all their grades and unfortunately, we failed miserably. The good thing was, almost all of us got a failing mark. It took me a while to leave the school premises as I was digesting what just happened. Surely there’s been a mistake in the computation? I attempted to add the numbers. Those numbers, my grades, are the same. I went home feeling so defeated.
 
Fun fact: I didn’t know there’s a hotel near our school. That was the reason why there’s always a barrage of cars along the way. But it was early in the morning so the traffic was not that bad. Anyway, upon arriving home, I cried heaps. Called P and consoled me. I hugged AJ. There’s nothing I can do, really. I called Dory, sent a chat to Hanna, but the numbers were the same.
 
I stayed positive all throughout the day with quite a few teary-eyed episodes here and there. Our Consti class commenced and there’s a flood of messages that came my way. I was overwhelmed. The tears came flooding when Marlou, Arjay, Jer, Kimmy, Hanna, Jai, Dory and the rest of the Group Studs kept on saying, “we can do it.” Even Jan and Kring helped me quite a lot for me to get through this day. I’ve been telling them not to lose hope. Something that I do not believe myself, honestly. I lied because that’s what we needed to hear even though I am doubting myself too. I have always been telling them not to give up but I was on the verge of doing so myself every single time.
 
There’s one thing that I learned every time I challenge myself: that I am in a sea of good, knowledgeable, excellent people that in the end, I am just an average Jane. I experienced this firsthand when I studied in a school were a few people gets to be accepted. I was enjoying myself but my classmates are out of this world smart. Second, when I studied after that, my classmates were smart cookies too. Third, when I got another opportunity to study, I was again surrounded by these amazing people who have this potential to run the country in the future. Every single time, I became just Jenny. Not the amazing, smart, talented, but just the plain, ordinary Jenny. 
 
Atty. Heaven must have seen it in our faces but I was crying non-stop that I had to turn-off my camera every now and then. It didn’t help that Kring and Jan were able to pass this subject with flying colours. I do not want to fail. I just don’t want to.
 
The reason why I am so frustrated was because I exerted this much and all I got was that score. I’m not sure what more I needed to do to pass. I failed Sir Edwin and the rest of those who believe in me. I feel like a loser. I was expecting to see a grade of 75 and more, but no, that was just a dream I easily concocted in my head.
 
I will be studying until the wee hours tonight. But before that, I would like to thank the Group Studs, Powerpuff Girls and Ms. Sarah, the rest of the first years, Jan, Atty. Heaven, Kring, and Poy who carried my heart today. I love you great people of this universe. The fight isn’t over yet. Thank you for your kind words.