A Moment of Clarity

This has been my dilemma for the past weeks now and I am still bringing the old me here – ever lonely, always self-pitying, just a wreck. I wish I could start over and let my logical mind control me. A lot of regrets sure – like why study this late, why at this age, why now, why not before…just thinking about things that I could have accomplished and have finished had I started earlier. 

 

Hanna once told me: Jenny, tabian kaayo ka [Jenny, you are so talkative]. I am. I am a sucker for intellectual conversations, and sometimes, gossips about funny stuff, the experiences that come with it, and what makes people happy or sad or just about the mundane things I could share without really making sense. That’s me. Especially when I like the person. My husband would just listen to me. He’s a great listener and gives out advice too. He’s the best person I could think of in this world. I wish I could be perfect for him. But no, I am but an imperfect wife. Trying my best to do what’s good but I know it’s enough. I wish I’m as good, as patient, and as kind as he is.

 

Anyway, so much about this stuff. I have decided to continue [again] in school and just forget all the things that has happened for the past months and start over. I will do better as a person, as a student, as a mom and wife. Hanna said she felt bad for not taking care of her son beginning the semester and that’s what I felt too. But this time, hopefully the adjustment period is over and I can focus on them this second semester. Hopefully.