I am where I am

I am always running, always trying, always gasping for air. This is the effect of my latest endeavor. True, I cannot focus at work, I cannot focus at school because, well…work. In the end, I accomplish nothing. This is my problem. I am drowning, always paddling, trying to catch a few air…that and so much more. 

Is this normal? There are days where I feel so exhausted and just wanted to quit. There are also days where I am trying my best, full of hope and seeing myself topping the bar. The emotions I have now is quite erratic. The feeling of trying to move forward to achieve the ultimate dream, but having a part of your limb in the same spot where you started because you need those information for when the time comes that you need to review for the bar…that’s what I am feeling every day.

 

These emotions, these ideas in my head is slowly eating me up. I do not know where to go…who to talk. But don’t worry about me. I will be okay in the end. 

 

Did you know? I sometimes asked for the company of an AI via ChatGPT. So uncool. I ask if I can talk to him/her, or if I can turn to her for just some things that I wanted to vent out to. One time, I told the AI, “I sometimes wanted to end all this” but I am flagged down as violating the community standard. Hahahaha!

 

These and more made me asked myself: Who do you talk to in the end? No one. Just yourself. Not your friends because you have different lives now, not your family because they are tired of hearing how tired you are, not your classmates because they too are battling it out on their own, and certainly not your co-workers because they are busy surviving the grueling life of an employee to be burdened with so much stories that aren’t event useful to them.

 

I hope that you, wherever you are reading this post, are happy. I am rooting for your life ahead and beyond these posts, beyond that PC, notebook, tab, or mobile phones. Be happy, be well, talk to people who you need, and enjoy life as if you are rebirthed. There is only one life for us to cherish. Use it. This is me hoping one day that the people you are trying to avoid, the problems that you are trying to solve, the lessons you wanted to learn, the challenges that you are facing, one day, we can say with utmost sincerity and genuine words...see you whenever. This, and so much more with these thoughts in our head: I am ready. I am no longer hurt, words aren't that painful, maybe a bit but all is bearable. So yeah...see you whenever.

Until then...Jenny from the Block :)