Mixed Emotions

I never thought I would feel like this. My beliefs are stronger than ever but at the same time, I feel like I'm vulnerable. I never felt like this before. It's not love. It's greater than love and it's a mixture of emotions and you can't really describe them fully even though you know what sad means, or happy, or anxious. Of course, how can a human like me express all this in a sentence or two? I'm bothered about it but at the same time I'm not!

I know that God has a HUGE plan for my life but I can't stop myself from feeling impatient and I know it's bad but I sometimes, well almost all the time, question him about this. Why can't I be perfect? Why can't I do everything to please him? Why do I need to be this imperfect sinner? Why didn't he make me just a liiiiittle bit prudent?

I know that I'm a work in progress but it's damn hard!