hello.

 Hello. A little catching up before I dump something to you. So im in my third year, more than struggling, I hate some of my classmates, I hate the feeling of being inadequate, is all.

 

I have this direct report who’s been struggling mentally and is not really performing well for the past months. I did not say anything against her trying to be understanding but I guess all of it fell short. 

 

Yesterday, she tendered her resignation. She informed me via chat and she also left a letter in my table which I read just this morning. I wasn’t surprised at all because I can feel she’s not really into working in our division anymore and as a person who has gone through all that, I JUST KNOW.

 

So, I asked her: are you sure, will this affect your expenses, how about you, etc. you know, for practically sake. I have no intention of preventing her from resigning. Anyway, our conversation flowed to me saying, I won’t prevent you if you do not like the work anymore. She said, It’s not like I don’t want to work, my husband and I have been planning this for a while and since he’s okay with it, I’m pushing for this decision. And honest to goodness, I said, Yeah I’ve heard stories about you wanting to even downgrade so I won’t prevent nor stop your resignation. And boy all hell broke loose because she sent me a kilometer of message that got me so riled up.

 

According to her, I was not empathetic. That when she went on to have her maternity leave, I still kept asking her about the documents for a project she was working on before she took off. That when she asked for a flexible work arrangement, I made things difficult for her and she felt it was so unfair that the other pregnant woman after her, got the fwa so easy. That I knew she would resign eventually and it was me who told her to apply for the job implying I should not be surprised nor expect she would stay long in our office. That the mishap on one of the documents made her overthink because of all the things people will say to her work ethics. That the rants about work, about bosses are all but normal things.

 

FIRST OF ALL, I AM DEEPLY HURT. For the longest time, I have been swallowing her absences for almost a year already without her ever hearing from me how this was hurting the office. Never did I asked her to focus on work, to shape up, because we all have our burdens to carry. The thing about maternity leave, it is planned, right? The date, the timeline, the expectation as to when you will return, etc. But because she had some medical condition, it prevented her from following that timeline. I did not question her. She took a leave a month before her scheduled maternity leave without so much of a turnover. She blamed the slow hiring process – am I the head of the agency to expedite everything? Naturally, when you do not go through the process of turning your work, the one who carried the job will eventually ask you where the documents were, where the files are saved, were the specific reports made. I also remembered that because of this, it was her who offered to facilitate the documents, to assist the new hire, to help. 

 

When she was working home, I gave her the work. She got what we wanted. So why am the bad person for doing things that are expected from an officer? I do not expect her to slack off just because she was at home. You are paid by the people’s money, what made you think you are exempted or allowed to do less because you are at home? I may be strict with how the policies are implemented but you don’t get to nitpick because you are tired. Everybody’s tired. If you wanted free time, then you should have filed a leave of absence.

 

For the past year, she would just send a message that she will be on leave for a couple of weeks, or that she will be absent for today, which will extend for a couple more days, and a week without so much of an information if she will ever be present again. I did not ask her how her deliverables were, all I ask was how long because then the projects she handles will get affected. 

 

The fwa requirements I asked her did not come from me, it came from our head who wanted to make sure we are not letting a vulnerable person work to the bone and then collapse and then blame the workload. It was her who requested to have that arrangement because he was not receiving any salary because of her continued absence.

 

I felt like with what she said that I asked her to apply for the job in our office is her telling me I owe her. 

 

I don’t know. Im just tired. Sure you can backstab your boss every day, just don’t let me know it, if you can’t keep your comments to yourself, we will have a problem.

 

So now I’m sleepy and yeah, it’s my fault all over again.