It Kills Me To Let You Go

Ever since I was a kid, I dreamt of meeting a prince charming that would sweep me off my feet; a knight in a shining armor that will protect me from any harm. But in so doing, I ended up trusting no one—except perhaps for two persons.

The first admiration I received from the opposite sex was during my first year high school. He was a nice a guy; a friend; the one you would want to cuddle without reservation or whatsoever. He tried to pursue me that lasted for I-can’t-remember-how-long months.

I see him as someone who can protect me in a brotherly manner. He was the guy I thought who would be responsible enough to make me feel important—in replacement for my father’s position. I never knew why he lasted for quite some months before quitting. I guess I wasn’t that ugly after all =))

I was one of the lucky girls who were pursued by some guys at an early year. It feels flattering, yes I admit. There was a time that I almost gave in for fear of hurting that person. But nevertheless, I can’t fool him, neither myself.

There were two guys that I trusted. One was during my last year in high school. The second was during the third year in college…

I sometimes think that I have not weigh things out for me to feel pain after a short-lived affair.

Short because I thought we would last for years. But it never happened, much to my chagrin. And once in a while, I question myself: After all these years, was avoiding men who found something interesting in me a sin? Even though I knew they would never, ever, find someone to replace me? That they would love me forever? Full of hot air, huh? Perhaps I am.

“Never encourage someone if you don’t like him at all.”—one of my mottos in dealing with some guys. I feel sorry for letting all those men go. If I could just rip some part of me and let you have it, I could try and help you with it. All I wanted to say is for you to understand. I know I have hurt you in one way or another, BUT PLEASE DON’T HATE ME.