Life Update: April 2024

So some friends thought it’s okay to talk about me because I’m too emotional. One said that I am a brat because I always want to force what I want to anyone. To them, I am acting up because I do things contrary to what the society dictates – to be normal. To be happy all the time, to smile and accept things as they should be because, that’s how life is. And so I ask myself: Why am I shamed for showing emotions? Sige na, ikaw na ang expressionless. You’re the mighty one then.

I guess the thing that I did wrong was to trust these people because they’ve been through this stage before. I guess, the people that you share your most vulnerable self and moments will also be the one who will gossip about you. I opened myself to a lot of people when I should have not in the first place – thinking they would be understanding, that they would take it as some sort of trip down memory lane and say, yes, I’ve been in that situation before or that they would somehow think of circumstances in their lives akin to my experiences. Or siguro, their ears have bled like what a friend in HS said about me before. 

 

I'm just disappointed that’s all because the emotions that are welcomed before are now considered annoying and bratty and entitled. These emotions that were thought to be passionate and genuine have now become messy and weak and yearning of attention. This is why I don’t like a lot of friends because in the end, they will be the one to hurt you. 

 

The secrets that you shared with them are shared with these people and they judge you for that portion of yourself. That is just a fraction of what I shared with you. Sige lang. That hurts a lot. True to my motto, there is only one thing in this world that would not let you down: Food. 

 

Anyway, such is the world we live in. I’ll be here in my bubble, safe and free from judgments…at least from people I consider friends. I’ll bow down my head, study and just keep to myself.

Sige lang. This too will pass.